Lately the feeling of never quite measuring up is overtaking my heart and mind. I feel like that scrap of material the fabric stores calls 'the ends', which is a polite way of saying there isn't enough material left for any sort of project. That's me, never quite measuring up!
These are the thoughts that scatter through my brain: 'I don't spend enough time with the kids, my default response is impatience, I can't seem to fully engage and enjoy the children, I do the bare minimum in the kitchen, I would rather relax and create than clean and scrub, which creates a cluttery home.
But whose standards are these? In reality I am comparing myself to a mom I admire for having boundless energy and always smiling and enjoying her children. I compare myself to another mom who has it all together in the household department or the wife who does such a fantastic job of loving her husband or the mom who imparts such spiritual wisdom into her kids.
My problem, I see, is that my perception on another woman's life has a greater influence on my perspective that God's word.
And I hear God say, 'ah, ha! now you're starting to see clearly!'
Psalm 139:13-14 states: 'For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
If I look at myself through the eyes of the Lord, I see that I am his wonderful workmanship, but when I reject myself and focus only on the negatives, I reject him. Who am I, the created telling the creator that he made me wrong? What pride on my part.
Thank God for grace. His grace. Only His grace. Yes, he made me and yes, I am a sinner redeemed by the blood of his grace. Grace that washes away my sin and makes me whole and covers all areas of my life.
God's word must have a greater influence on my perception that anything else. Anything else can be twisted and turned into a lie which twists and turns my mind into a pretzel!
God's word and him alone.